The Piper's Undine
by Sugar-Hype-Queen
Summary: In which there is a murder of crows, a number of dogs, and two unique individuals who have an interesting day. KakaIru, rated mostly for safety.


_**The Piper's Undine**_

**Undine: an "entity" or "elemental" that dwells in the plane of Water or is associated with the WATER Element.**

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The stretch of sea out of which the figure emerged thrashed against the rocky shore like a fish in an alligator's jaws, hurling forth great white bursts of bubbles and froth.

'_This is always the worst part_,' he thought bitterly to himself.

Panting, he scrambled up the rocky slope to where a stretch of scrubby grass was growing, a good distance away from the tumultuous waves. It was no easy task as he was dripping wet, and almost hopelessly weighed down by the salty water. He ended up crawling the last couple of feet, collapsing onto the grass before reaching up and grabbing a slimy handful of seaweed out of his dark brown hair and half heartedly flinging it away.

Caramel hands were lifted up to be flippantly observed by chocolate colored eyes. The webbing was going away. He wiggled his toes and felt his neck to confirm it; the gills were gone, and there was now nothing but sand between his toes. A tired grin spread across his face.

"Back to normal!" Iruka proclaimed, startling an indignant squawk out of a nearby seagull. "Eheh, I'm sorry…"

'_I'm going insane, apologizing to birds_,_' _he thought. "Oh well, I'm not sure I was sane to begin with…"

Iruka got up slowly, stretching and grimacing at the resounding pops of protesting joints.

_Note to self: Don't to surface so quickly next time. _

He began searching for the small rocky cranny where he had stored his pack of supplies and clothes. Currently, he was wearing only a pair of brown shorts, composed of a thin but tough material. Too many clothes only slowed you down beneath the surface.

The sensei quickly found it, and was pleasantly surprised to find a large crab in there as well. A feral smile spread across his face even as it snapped at him ill temperedly. Dinner would be _so_ good.

Soon the ornery thing was roasting over a small fire while he rested a bit. Getting back to the surface always drained him.

**_Skwaaawk!!!_**

A pair of gulls with shinning black eyes flapped around the edges of the fire, greedily staring at the sizzling crustacean. Sighing, Iruka let his head drop into his hands.

"I give up! You can have it! I'm going home! I never asked for a **_stupid_** vacation anyway!"

He stalked off, reaching into his pack to find a well aged nutrient bar and mumbling angrily to himself about stupid birds and just wanting a bit of cooked food after a week of everything _raw._ Meanwhile, the birds tried their best to eat the crab without being cooked themselves.

**oOo**

Back in Konoha, the Hokage was very distraught indeed. Her office was a disaster, as was the village in general.

"I _said_ I'm working on it."

"But Tsunade-sama, the situation is –Oh, _shoo_! – The situation is becoming critical! Do you even know how you're going to get rid of them all?"

"…I'm **working** on it! Fliers are up. They tell about the reward for anyone who can do it."

As she said this, the irate woman swatted at several crows on the desk, which merely flapped up for a second before settling back down again, shrieking in outrage.

"That's it?" Shizune whined, plucking several black feathers from her hair.

"What do you want me to do? If I try and have them killed, that sissy civilian tree-hugger club will start an uproar, and you _know_ how they get. The other villages will get on our back about inhumane treatment of animals, it'll just get too messy."

The black haired assistant groaned in frustration, banging her head on a nearby wall. "This is driving me crazy! If I hear one more chirp, I'll scream!"

A particularly large bird cawed loudly behind her, and she crashed to the ground.

"Whoever heard of a crow infestation, anyway?" she sniffed, nearly in tears.

Tsunade shrugged, pulling a flask of sake out of nowhere. "I don't know, but I'll be damned if I'm sober for it."

Shizune scurried over to the window… Well, what was left of it. A murder of crows had thought it great fun to peck out the glass. She glared out at the swirling multitudes of the birds, which covered the town like a thick coating of tar.

Tar that was dealing major property damage.

Tar that left feathers and…_waste_…everywhere.

Tar that would -Not- SHUT - _UP_!

**oOo**

On the fringes of town, a mysterious (and arguably comical, as there was a fat crow planted firmly on top of his silver haired head) figure, accompanied by a company of brightly clothed dogs, wandered the fowl filled streets. '_Strange place, Konoha_,' he thought to himself, observing the coal colored avian creatures that seemed to be everywhere.

The streets were devoid of human life, so Kakashi felt it safe to conclude that the villagers had either been eaten by the crows or were all holed up somewhere waiting for them to go away.

Unless…

"Sir? Madam? May I be of any assistance?"

"Kraa?"

Guess not.

Resigned to the fact that nothing was here for him, the newcomer was about to leave, but first his eyes were drawn to a bright yellow flier being pecked at by several small crows.

'**2 RIOS PER CROW FOR WHOMEVER **

**CAN DRIVE THE LOT OF THEM **

**OUT, ALL 999,999, SOMETHING. **

**YOU DO THE MATH. **

**CONTACT TSUNADE AT THE **

**HOKAGE TOWER A.S.A.P.**'

The mysterious-and-arguably-comical man smiled. Or, at least one got the impression he was smiling. A black cloth mask obscured most of his face, and his left eye was hidden by a silver flop of his hair, so you really couldn't tell. Regardless, his dogs barked excitedly.

Somehow defying at least a dozen laws of physics, Kakashi's visible grey blue eye suddenly turned golden and transformed into money signs, and the man let out a low, slightly disturbing laugh.

The brightly clothed group of dogs whimpered in fear.

"Pack!" he cried, striking a noble (but dignified) pose, "It is time to lend aid to this poor village- With profit in mind, of course. Let's go!"

With that they were dashing towards the large tower that peeked above the bird covered buildings, the dogs with thoughts of steak, and Kakashi with thoughts of all the good porn he would buy.

**oOo**

"Yo."

Tsunade and Shizune stared.

"I can take care of them for you. The birds, that is."

They stared a bit more, before abruptly, Shizune cried out in joy and clasped her hands together, looking at Kakashi as though he were free tickets to her favorite daytime T.V. show, _Metal Chef_. Front row seats.

"Really? Please start as soon as you can, sir, we'll take care of your reward later, just get these demons out of my-I mean, -_our_- hair!"

Kakashi's eye arched in what they guessed was a pleasant smile (you couldn't quite tell).

"Great. I'll be back tonight to collect my cash. I expect it in cash, you see. Well, ja."

With that he was gone, leaving the two in a momentary stupor.

Shizune twirled around to face the Hokage, a large grin on her face. "Isn't this wonderful?" she squealed. The fifth remained silent for a long moment before sighing heavily and leaning on her desk.

"Look," she began, "To be blunt, we don't have the money to pay that guy. I honestly didn't think anyone could actually do it. I just wanted to shut you up for a while. I figured eventually even that even the sissy-tree-hugger civilians club would get sick of the birds as well, and we could take the appropriate measures."

_Thunk! _

"Shizune?" the Fifth inquired, peering down at her fallen employee. "Oi, no need to be a drama queen about it! We'll just explain our situation, and if he's got a problem with it, screw him. What's the worst he could do to us? If he pulls it off, we'll give him a truck load of coupons or something."

Shizune twitched on the floor, and the Hokage shrugged, downing her sake.

**oOo**

Kakashi was in a good mood. The sun was out, the wind was blowing, the birds… Were wreaking havoc. But that could be taken care of, and he was content in the knowledge that there was money in doing it. He turned his attention to the dogs waiting patiently behind him.

"All right, Pack, it's time to get down to business. You know what to do."

As Kakashi loped away from the Hokage Tower, his dogs seemed to nod, and somehow procured earplugs from somewhere within their brightly colored clothes.

Seeing a dog of any kind insert earplugs is a life changing experience, but no one on the lonely street saw it, so no one's life was changed.

"All ready? Good. Here we go." The silver haired man pulled out a beautifully carved wooden flute from a chain under his shirt, and set it to waiting lips. He closed his eyes (or eye, one really could not say) and took a deep breath before blowing his first note.

Not a sound could be heard by anyone, but the effect was immediate.

It seemed every crow in the village shrieked and flapped up into the air. The villagers (who _were_, in fact, holed up in various places) thought the world was ending from the ruckus they caused. Kakashi continued his song, silent to human ears but apparently something remarkable to the birds. They rose like a black cloud, turning and twisting in the air as if they were so much smoke.

The piper began to stride slowly out of the village, and amazingly, the entire colossal murder (of crows) flew above him, following him away as if drawn by a magnet. The farther away he walked from the village, the more curious faces peered up at him from various windows and cracks from doors. Even the ramen man and his daughter peeked out from behind the counter of Ichiraku Ramen.

Ramen guy was having a bad day.

First the birds arrived, which was bad enough. Breaking everything, _eating_ everything! To say they were bad for business would be a disgusting understatement.

And now **this**!

"Dad? What are you doing?" Ramen girl stared perplexedly at her father, more than a bit put off that he was rocking back and forth in the fetal position, sobbing about the end of days and ghosts with flutes.

The sky was an oceanic shade of swirling azure, and the last wings of sunlight brushed elegantly against the horizon. Iruka took a moment to peer at the scene through the shuddering branches and leaves of one of the many forests of Konoha. Smiling gently, he decided to pick up the pace a bit from his previous relaxed gait. He was almost there; maybe he'd drop by the ramen stand for a quick bowl and enjoy the stars that were slowly beginning to peek out.

Eventually, the village appeared, familiar and welcoming to the weary wayfarer.

All except for that great, billowing black cloud floating slowly away from the village.

A few moments of staring in disbelief led him to the conclusion that it was a giant flock of birds. Blackbirds, maybe, or crows? Either way the scarred sensei found himself dashing toward the village, determined to find out what exactly was going on. The nearer he got, he began to hear a faint whistling noise, just barely there, but he dismissed it as his imagination, or the wind in his ears.

By the time he arrived, villagers were partying left and right while teams of genin were sweeping up piles of feathers and bird poop and repairing damage on various structures. The faint whistling sound had faded completely. At a loss, he quickly located a familiar face in the celebrating crowds of people.

"Raidou! Raidou, what happened? What's going on? What was with the birds over the village? And those posters?" His brown haired friend spotted him and jogged over, waving and smiling. "Iruka, you're back! You won't _believe_ what happened!"

"Well?" he urged impatiently. Figures. He leaves for just one week and then something like this happens!

"The village was invaded by with crows. They just showed up, and next thing you know, you couldn't step out of your own house. Personally, I wanted to get stabby, but I don't want to be charged with cruelty to animals, plus there were too many of them for that anyway."

The sensei nodded in understanding, a little disconcerted about his friend's violent intentions towards birds, but hey, who was he to judge? Still curious, Iruka asked another question.

"How'd you get rid of them?"

At this Raidou frowned, a thoughtful look on his face. "To be honest with you, I'm not sure. Word is some guy showed up with a bunch of dogs and lured them away somehow. A few people say he was a phantom, or a ghost, so I'm not sure if I should take their word for it."

He smiled, scratching the back of his head sheepishly. "But they're gone now, and everybody's partying. Can't blame them. I swear, if I never see another bird again, it'll be too soon. Sorry to run when you just got back, but I have to go find Genma. I'll kill him if he's drunk already, without me..." He gave a small wave and started off, leaving Iruka to absorb the new information.

Shrugging, he began to weave between the joyous villagers, intent on taking a long shower and ordering extra spicy orange chicken with fried noodles and peanut sauce. Iruka licked his lips, grinning happily at the prospect. Suddenly, a chilling sensation ran down his neck and the scarred man felt a sensation that he usually associated with being within twenty feet of a shark or something worse…Like he was being watched. He looked around to see who it was, but did not see anyone suspicious. A loud grumble echoed from his stomach, distracting him from his previous moment of paranoia and prompting him to pick up his pace.

He was just about to unlock his apartment door when the music began.

**oOo**

Kakashi had all but skipped back to the village, mind filled with thoughts of yen and porn. The crows were now brooding inside an obscure patch of forest (much to the dismay of a group of campers who were camping there at the time) and showed no signs of wanting to leave. The pack had opted to stay in the forest and rest for a while, although the silver haired man suspected they only wanted to torment the campers…

But that was _not_ his problem.

When he arrived in Konoha, beer was flowing and music was blasting. Kakashi decided Konoha was home to his kind of people.

An enticing tan face caught his eye, pulling with a gravitation he wouldn't have usually believed possible as he found himself observing one of the villagers. However, he managed to drag himself away. There was no time for that now. Now was when he got his cash! Now was when he got his reward for bothering to get up this morning! Now was when-

"We can't pay you."

-the wrath of hell was unleashed upon grandma here!

"Listen," The voice that penetrated the mask was soft and sleek, and it put one in mind of wolf growling a feral warning.

"I did not just prance about through clouds of gnats and annoyed forest animals for at least an hour, playing my pipe nonstop to come back here for nothing."

A stormy eye narrowed and hardened.

"You will pay me, and I will leave, and all will be well with the world, ne?"

The Fifth was not amused, and stood up from her previous position at her desk. "No, _you_ listen, **brat**, I said we can't pay you, and I meant it. For your services, you'll receive free ramen at the Ichiraku Ramen stand, but that's the best we can do."

"I didn't want this to get ugly… But I warned you."

Kakashi reached under his shirt and pulled out the flute, closing his eyes as he brought it to his lips. Unlike his previous song, the first note was somehow heard by everyone in the village. It seemed to come from everywhere, reverberating like far off thunder. From that a simple melody emerged, repeating again and again, fluctuating only in the volume and pitch.

"What is this? What are you… do…ing…" Tsunade slumped over and fell onto the floor, a stunned Shizune quickly following suit. Soon the pair of them were snoring.

The silver haired man stepped over them, walking slowly over to the open window in front of him. There he continued his song, and one by one, the adults of Konoha fell into a peaceful slumber. Well, all except for one Umino Iruka.

**oOo**

In front of his apartment, Iruka found himself clapping his hands over his ears, trying desperately to ignore the music wafting through the air. Music was not supposed to be like this! It wasn't supposed to talk to you!

_Iruka…Aren't you tired? Come to sleep. _

No. No thanks.

_Close your eyes and rest. Rest. Come to sleep, where it's safe and warm… Iruka…_

"NO!" he shouted, throwing open his apartment door and slamming the door behind him, hoping to block out the wheedling notes, only to find it was to no avail.

"Lalala!" Iruka cried, becoming desperate. "Lalala! I can't hear you! I'm not listening! Not listening! Lalala! I can't hear you! Oh Kami, where are my earplugs?"

As a last resort, Iruka quickly filled his sink with water and plunged his head into it, blowing bubbles of relief when his gills appeared and the noise stopped. What was going on? Could this day possibly get any worse? He winced at that last thought, hoping he hadn't really jinxed himself.

After a while, his neck began to cramp, and he risked pulling his head from out of the water for a moment, gasping quietly as he listened for any trace of the music.

It was silent.

Wondering whether he had gone insane and imagined the whole thing, the sensei walked over to his door, intent on finding Raidou and inquiring as to whether he had heard anything. He opened the door, and immediately was struck by how silent it truly was. It shouldn't be this quiet in a village of so many people… He leaned over the railing of the stairs, shocked at what he saw.

People were laid out all over the place: in the streets, at the shops, halfway out of their doors, even ninja out on (reinforced) rooftops! Iruka flew down the stairs and dropped to his knees at the nearest body, a black haired, middle aged woman. He was about to check her pulse when he realized she was snoring. A single line of drool ran from her open mouth to the ground. Further investigation showed that they were all asleep. Did the song cause this to happen?

He wandered along, flabbergasted and not sure of what to do, when he heard a familiar voice.

"Sensei? Why are you all wet?"

Iruka spun around to see Konohamaru and a group of other children behind him, all looking confused and somewhat frightened. Deciding to ignore the comment on his still dripping wet hair and shirt, the brunet ran over to them. "Konohamaru! Are you all okay?"

The boy nodded. "Yeah, we're fine, only all the grownups have fallen asleep and we can't wake them up. The snoring is awful! Oi, why are you still awake?"

Iruka blushed, and smiled sheepishly. He hadn't exactly bragged to all his students where he went on vacation, and had always kept his…heritage…strictly on a need-to-know basis, so…

"…Not important."

"Riiight," he boy drawled, unconvinced. "Sensei, we- Hey, what's that sound?" The boy stopped in the middle of his sentence, suddenly looking around as if to find the source of the mysterious sound. The other children did the same thing, and shortly after began to dance and clap to music Iruka could not hear.

"Konohamaru? What are you guys doing?"

Moigi, one of the other children, paused in her dancing to smile up at her perplexed teacher. "Can't you hear it? There's pretty music playing, sensei! You should dance with us!"

Iruka could only wonder what kind of parallel dimension he had returned to from vacation. Presently, however, the children all began to run/skip/dance past him, towards the western gate. Being the sensei he was, he followed them, intent on keeping them safe. "W-w-wait! Where are you going? What is going on?"

"Come on, Iruka sensei! We're following the muuuuusic!!! Come on, guys, let's follow the muuusic! Hahaha!"

"WAIT!"

It was useless. He could do nothing but follow them to the gate, which was unexplainably wide open. The path it lead to was alight with fireflies, which flickered enchantingly along the moonlit path, much to the joy of the children. Iruka was beginning to think he was dreaming, and as the group finally stopped, his theory was only strengthened. They were in a large meadow, which dropped abruptly off into a small lake of dark blue water.

There amid the undulating waves of grasses and flowers stood an unearthly figure. He was slouching in an extremely casual manner, a delicate flute at his lips as the moon cast silver light upon his similarly colored hair and pale skin in a way the sensei could not help but find captivating.

He looked up, and Iruka could not help but to flinch.

Suddenly, the song began to change, and the children fell asleep where the stood, one by one.

"Who are you?" Iruka felt foolish for asking, and harbored a sneaking suspicion that he would rather not know what the man was trying to do. But he needed to protect the kids, and no sexy pipe player was going to stand in his way!

The music stopped, and Iruka found himself taking a hesitant step forward, not sure of what he was getting into. '_If worst comes to worst, there's always the lake…_' he thought. Emboldened by this thought, the sensei allowed his frustration and annoyance at the entire situation to bubble into anger, and as a result, a warm blush spread across his frowning face. '_The nerve of this guy! He doesn't even stop playing to answer me! And what if he hurts the kids? Or the village for that matter? This has to stop!_'

Arms crossed over his chest, Iruka confronted the man, who still had his head bowed as he slouched casually before him, one hand in a pocket and one loosely holding his flute. "Listen, Piper-san, I don't want to be rude, but I demand that you tell me what's going on!"

"Kakashi."

"E-excuse me?"

"You asked who I was. I am Kakashi."

The lake was sounding like a good idea. Better than facing the embarrassment. '_What's with this guy? I can't even think straight in front of him. This is not, not, **not** good!_' Nevertheless, the brown haired man persevered. '_Suck it up, Umino, suck it up_!'

"Oh. Right. Well, Kakashi-san…What are you doing? Everyone's asleep, and I don't know what your intentions are, but-"

"I'm not going to hurt anyone."

This was said with the sullen sort of whine that one usually associates with a kicked dog, and Iruka felt his blush grow steadily. A subtle bloom of guilt flourished in his chest, but he ignored it. What was with this guy?

"Okay… Then wake them up."

"No."

"W-what?" Iruka sputtered. "Kakashi-san-"

"Kakashi."

"Kakashi! You're not making any _sense_! Why won't you wake them up?"

A grey moth flitted across the air between them, and the silver haired man followed it with a single bored eye. Iruka's anxious expectance for an answer hung heavy in the silence, but he paid no mind. Instead, the man slowly knelt down and plucked a nearby flower. Well, _practically_ a flower; it was technically a weed. Three purple petals tipped with tendrils of white, and several bright yellow stalks sprouting from its center.

The piper held it for a moment, before slowly rising, and loping over to a bewildered Iruka.

"Have a flower."

"…"

Iruka stared t the masked man, whose face held a relaxed expression of expectance.

He stared.

He stared at Kakashi's single celadon eye, then at the purple flower-but-really-a-weed, and then back at Kakashi. Opened his mouth, closed it, then tried again.

"Okay. I'll take the flower," said Iruka, speaking slowly and thinking quickly, "But you have to tell me why you're doing this. Then we can talk about why you need to stop. Okay?"

The sensei used his secret weapon: The Undefeatable Doe Eyes, full force. Kakashi looked mildly shocked for a moment, visible eye widening, before he relaxed once more, although looking just a tad uncomfortable at the powerfully imploring force of the brown eyes before him.

"May I ask who you are?" he asked. Iruka was tempted to tell him not to change the subject. Nevertheless, he answered with as much civility as he could muster.

"Umino Iruka. Nice to meet you. Now, will you tell me what this is all about, Kakashi-san?"

"Porn. I just wanted to buy some porn, and maybe some eggplant." Iruka sputtered, jaw dropping, eyes bulging, and face heating up to a bright shade of violet in the span of a few seconds. "WHAT?"

"I said," Kakashi repeated, "I just wanted to buy some porn. So I answered your Hokage's help add, and now she won't pay me anything. You can understand how upsetting that is, right? I'll wake them up in a few hours, but the kids will stay here with me until she pays what she owes."

The brunet sighed. He knew something like this was bound to happen eventually, he just always figured it would be from a gambling debt. This was just insane.

"Umm… You're not the only one she owes money to... Ummmm," he trailed off a bit, a bit hesitant to admit Tsunade had a gambling addiction.

Well this was embarrassing.

"She's a bit fond of betting. It'll probably be a while before she gets around to it," he settled for muttering. Kakashi seemed taken aback, and then resigned. He sighed, looking for all the world like a kicked dog. Which was remarkable, as less than 25 of his face was showing. Iruka panicked slightly at the look, inexplicably worried that Kakashi was upset at him. He didn't want him to be sad, it really was just…

"Hey… What's with the long face? There are plenty of people who'd be willing to pay you lots for whatever you did with that pipe, and you can get lots of porn, and, uh, stuff…"

_I sound like an idiot. _

Kakashi eyed him intensely for a few stretching moments, during which Iruka was sorely tempted to take a running jump into the lake and never surface. Abruptly, his eye vaulted upward into a joyful arch, emitting radioactive waves of inappropriate joy. A 7.3 on Iruka's 'This-is-the-part-where-you-run-away' scale. Considering he was a teacher of small children by profession, this was pretty heavy. Regardless, he was unable to move, transfixed by the tall silver haired man calling himself Scarecrow and willing to hold an entire village hostage for porn.

"I'll take you as compensation."

All together now: _WHAT ? _

_WAS ?_

_HE?_

_SMOKING?_

Only the thought that a bug flying into his mouth would go beyond his already tested limits of mortification enabled Iruka to slowly pull his jaw back into place. He hadn't imagined he would ever reach this shade of violet after his seventeenth birthday incident.

"Well? How about it?"

Still, that smiling expression.

Iruka took a few seconds to breathe, and when he thought himself calm enough, opened his mouth to reply.

"**_WHAT?_**" he roared, causing sleepy grunts to sound from some of the children.

Kakashi, in his bored slouch, remained calm throughout his bellowed reply, patiently waiting his turn to speak.

"Feel better?"

"N-"

"Good. I'll send the brats home, if you like. Then we can go on that date you promised me."

"D-d-date? Hold on! I didn't promise a date!" the brunet sputtered, "You don't even know me!"

He looked frustratedly at the man before him, mysterious and undeniably stunning in the pearly radiance of the moon. Then he thought of Kakashi seeing him with his gills, disgusted and outraged. Carnivorous butterflies seemed to gnaw at the lining of his stomach.

"I like you."

Iruka tried his best to string some words together, but his train of thought slipped like water through his fingers.

"What if…what if I'm not what you think I am? Would you still date me then?"

"Are you a vampire?"

"No," Iruka snorted. Hold on here. Kakashi was a bit pale… "Wait, are _you_?"

"No. Just a piper. One of the kids called you sensei, so I'm assuming you're a teacher?"

"Uh, yeah. I just, I, uh… Want me to show you?" Iruka couldn't grasp why he was doing this. Maybe it was Kakashi's bluntness, or his (endearingly?) bored slouch, but something made Iruka want to trust him. He hadn't done anything _too_ horrible yet, had he? Still, he needed to get the kids back to the village.

"Just send them back first, please, and wake everyone up. It's really creepy with everyone asleep like that, you know?"

The piper glanced at the sleeping children with mild surprise, apparently having forgotten about them completely. He brought the pipe to his lips, inhaled, and somehow exhaled a dizzy kind of waltz. The kids rose slowly, looking for all the world as if they were sleep walking, and began to trek slowly out of the sweeping grass of the meadow onto the firefly-lit path. He continued playing, paused for a moment, then blasted eight sharp notes to end it.

Chocolate brown eyes stared dumbly after them, amazed at how not a single one of them so much as stumbled._ I wish I could do that_.

"They'll wake up when the kids get there. You were going to show me something?" Kakashi queried, wondering quietly if Iruka was a transvestite.

Hey, you never knew.

"Um, yeah. Just, uh, don't panic or anything, okay?"

A flurry of thoughts dashed through Iruka's head as he walked towards the clean blue water. It shone with the perfect reflections of the flickering stars and white moon above him, creating the illusion that he was about to walk off the edge of the world and drop into the night sky. He certainly felt like it.

_I just showered and changed. He'll think I'm a freak. I couldn't lie to him. It's better that he knows. It wouldn't happen anyway. What am I doing? _

_This is so stupid…_

The water was at his feet. He instinctively knew it dropped off at a good depth, maybe seventy feet down. Iruka sighed.

"Okay," he breathed, and dived in, clear water splashing up behind him.

o0o

Kakashi dearly hoped his big secret was that he couldn't swim. It would be really, really bad, to say the least. Was he really that despicable that gorgeous Iruka would rather drown himself than go on just one date? He could've just said no, right? He lifted a hand and brought it to his right eye. It was covered.

So… Why did Iruka just jump into the lake?

The water's surface was almost perfectly calm. Not a single bubble ascended to the surface.

"I should've just asked him to buy me some porn and groped him in the store," the Scarecrow muttered nervously, hurrying over to the waters edge. He once again put the pipe to his lips, playing a quick low rumbling that would call his Pack to him. Iruka had told him not to panic, but he didn't say not to be cautious.

o0o

Iruka curved lazily through the cool serenity of the water, watching the sky, thinking. His head was instantly cleared from the entropy it had been before, and he felt like he could actually process the situation. He arched backwards, flipping languidly a few times and startling a school of small silvery fish.

He went deeper, and decided to review his options.

Option #1: Come back up and face Kakashi, in all his webbed-and-gilled glory. Hope for the best.

Option #2: Exit via the opposite side of the lake and sneak away, leaving him to think he was dead, but avoiding the embarrassment.

Option #3: Exit via the opposite side of the lake, wait a few minutes for the webbing and gills to go away, come back, and lie that the only abnormal thing about him was that he could hold his breath for a really, really long time.

Option #4: Do something else.

He was fresh out of ideas, so option 4 was out of the question. He couldn't bring himself to try option 3, and option 2 was just too selfish, even if he was desperate. That left option one. Suspended in the water, he mulled it over a few minutes, savoring the freedom of being in the water. He was down pretty deep, and it was almost as if he was floating in liquid obsidian. Finally, he began to slowly make his way upwards, not wanting to surface too quickly.

At the level where faint spears of light stretched past and illuminated the water, he saw odd shapes silhouetted above him. Puzzled, he swam towards them, gliding easily though the water. They seemed to sense him, stopping where they were and grouping at the spot above him. He moved closer and saw that each of them had four furry legs, and tails.

Were they wolves? Wild dogs?

Iruka sped away to where he had jumped in, swifter than any of the fish. The canines had no chance of catching up with him, and he intended to climb the nearest tree if they turned out to be vicious and pursued, whether Kakashi laughed at him or not.

Not slowing from his breakneck speed and with a mighty gasp, Iruka shot through the surface and effectively scared the _hell_ out of Kakashi, who was crouched over at the lake's edge. The silver haired man tumbled backwards as Iruka dragged himself out, panting and looking over his shoulder at the canine figures slowly but surely making their way after them. This would have to be quick.

"Oi, Kakashi!"

"Eh?"

He sat up quickly, looking just a tad bit ruffled. It was almost comical, and Iruka would've laughed under different circumstances. He shoved his hand in front of Kakashi's face, hastily displaying the faint webbing stretching between the bases of his fingers. Then he pointed to his neck, where the slits of his gills could be seen almost unnoticeably against tan skin.

A single silver eye slowly changed its focus from the wet surface of Iruka's neck to his magnetic brown eyes, which looked uncertain and kept darting behind him.

Silence reigned for twelve excruciating seconds.

"I think mermaids are sexy."

Iruka flushed, and momentarily forgot about the vicious beasts that were heading towards them.

"Mer_men_! Well, no, not that, I-I,"

Iruka sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck.

"I prefer undine."

"I think undines are sexy," Kakashi corrected, "Especially wet." He dragged his gaze appreciatively down Iruka's drenched form, leering incredibly well for someone with only a portion of their face showing. The teacher was suddenly keenly aware of how saturated he was, and how his hair had escaped its customary pony tail to hang down in thick curtains.

Something barked, and he jumped.

"They're with me, sensei, no need to scare."

Iruka turned to see a dog with stupendously big teeth, clearly visible even from the shore.

"Isamu won't bite you, I promise. _I_ will if you want me to, though."

Flustered but flattered, Iruka was about to reply when he felt something nudge at his leg, and turned to find a group of the weirdest looking dogs he had ever seen.

One was huge, one had sunglasses, one was wrapped in _bandages_…! They were all sporting colorful clothing as well, making it increasingly difficult for Iruka to see them as vicious when he wanted to laugh at them. Well, that was before they all shook what seemed like gallons of water off of themselves and directly into his face, after which he wanted to **strangle them**.

Eager to hamper the killing intent rolling in waves off the angered undine, Kakashi decided it was time to intervene, standing up and slinging an arm casually around Iruka and walking him towards the path. The Pack followed them, most whimpering in fear, some too scared to utter a sound.

"Maa, I think I like it when you're angry sensei. But I'm starving, and everyone should be awake by now. I saw a nice ramen stand. So how about that date?"

The teacher felt warmth flood throughout his body at the contact, exhilarated at the feeling. It felt like being in the center of a school of fish, or hearing a whale's song for the first time, or being in chaotic waters during a storm, or just eating the perfect bowl of ramen, or-

"Are you sure?" he breathed, turning his head to face the mysterious Piper, wondering if his song had put him asleep and this was just a dream.

Kakashi smiled, and this time Iruka knew he was smiling, because in the flickering yellow glow of the fireflies he could see that there was definitely no mask, nothing hiding the expressive pale features, and he knew because he felt it when his lips touched his. They felt perfect, and it led the brunet to believe it must be from playing pipe, because no ones' lips felt that good naturally.

"Don't you think I am?"

Iruka shook his head no, and they continued on their way.

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**Iruka is not completely human, so he kind almost hear the flute playing. I think the flute is magical, at least when Kakashi plays it, so yeah… Been working on this for a while, so if you would be ever so kind and review I would be honored to reply. Thanks so much, SHQ.**


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